For all you "Apprentice" fans...

It seems the ice queen is dead.

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/eo/20060831/115706400000.html

"Carolyn Kepcher's business how-to book covered how to handle a difficult boss. Now it's time for a rewrite.

Donald Trump has turned on one of his own, giving the axe to his longtime boardroom sidekick and Apprentice costar amid a newspaper report that TV fame had gone to her head.

"Mr. Trump wishes Carolyn the best," the real estate mogul's rep, Jim Dowd, told E! News, confirming the firing.

Kepcher had run two of Trump's golf courses and was a longtime fixture at the Trump Organization; more prominently, she had served as Trump's right-hand woman since NBC launched The Apprentice in 2004.

According to the New York Post, Kepcher was given the boot after Trump became frustrated by her outside projects.

"She became a prima donna," a presumably close, unnamed "insider" told the newspaper. "She was giving speeches for $25,000 and doing endorsements."

The 36-year-old mother of two, who oversaw the Trump National Golf Club in Briarcliff, New York, as well as a course in New Jersey, parlayed her Apprentice fame into a book deal. Carolyn 101: Business Lessons from The Apprentice's Straight Shooter became a bestseller, which led to the boardroom maven landing an agent at ICM and fielding offers for TV and book deals, along with speaking engagements and endorsements.

Kepcher's termination will have no affect on production of The Apprentice. She was not involved in the upcoming sixth season, which was set in Los Angeles and has finished shooting.

Proving nepotism is alive and kicking, Trump earlier tapped daughter Ivanka to take over as the reality show's requisite female sidekick, with Donald Trump Jr. chosen to fill-in for the other longtime Apprentice lackey, George Ross.

The 78-year-old Ross, a corporate counsel for the Trump Organization, will sit out for several episodes this season to make way for the younger Donald. Unlike Kepcher, however, a Trump Organization executive told CNN that Ross is "very much a part of the company" and is not being pushed out.

Instead, the new season's location shift has been cited as the reason for Ross' diminished appearances. Because Ross is based on the East Coast, he and show producers decided it would not be optimal for him to relocate simply for the show.

The Apprentice's sixth season is set to air in January."

Take that, Southern California!

Yay! I don't have to live on the streets! And I don't have to revert to shitty jobs at Hollywood Video, Borders Books, Jamba Juice or that weird hippie readymade art store on Solano run by a saggy-breasted ding-a-ling who wanted me to walk around the store and look burly so I'd scare away all the black people who she was certain would steal from her at the drop of a hat!

Check out the website, campusmoviefest.com. I am the newest team member for the world's largest student film festival, working at least for the next two months serving the film festival community of UC Berkeley, San Jose State, Somona State and probably Stanford. It also includes the opportunity to perhaps continue with the group to their other regions across the country and maybe even [some of] the world. Fingers crossed for that.

So there you go. Ironically, I had to come back up to the San Francisco Bay Area, ditching Los Angeles, to continue my work in the film community. Whodathunk?

So, yay me! I can get money...so I can eat! And see my fiancee! And not have my Netflix be cancelled! And other such lovely things!

And yay for exclamation points!

Relish this. This is one of the few times you will ever see me genuinely and outwardly excited about anything, as I usually tend to lest it fester inside until my joy seems like pretentious pedantic know-it-all-ism to everyone else.

And visit the website. There is quite some talent in these regular college students.

Yay! Look! Puppy!

They call you Lady Luck, but there is room for doubt...

So do you all remember when I applied for a copy editing position up in Vacaville a few weeks ago, and learned the harsh lesson of proofreading job applications?

http://marcdom7.blogspot.com/2006/08/isnt-that-just-grand.html

Well, I just received this letter today from the same Angela Adams at the Reporter:

Dear Mr. Gorman,
Are you interested in coming in for an interview for the open copy editor position at The Reporter?
Please let me know as soon as possible, as I will be conducting interviews early next week.
Thanks,
Angela Adams
News Editor
The Reporter


Well now, it seems my luck is turning around. It's just an interview, and the job is a good hour away (at least) but this definitely bodes well for my resume as well as not being thrown out of my house.

Thanks for the crossed fingers, Laura, and the fun tips about copy editing in Tracy, Mr. Mendelson.

And look! She got my last name right this time!

August 22, 2006 is now the greatest day ever!

Guess what came out on fucking DVD today after 17 years of me going back-and-forth to the video store for a lousy VHS tape? The greatest kids movie of all time.







If you aren't geek-gasming, you don't know the power of "The Wizard." Indulge in Fred Savage mastery.

Fun talking points from Marcus

-Christian Slater and Beau Bridges co-star. How's that for some nostalgia?
-An appearance of the dreaded Nintendo Power Glove.
-Tobey Maguire plays one of evil Lucas' friends. Check out the mullet.
-How about "Double Dragon," "Contra," "Rad Racer" with the aforementioned Power Glove, "RC Pro-Am," "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," "Megaman 2," "Ninja Gaiden," and, of course, the Video Armageddon finale with "Super Mario Brothers 3." (Jimmy! Watch the mushroom!)
-"Send Me An Angel" by Real Life (although I used to think it was Erasure)
-Yes, the dinosaur statues at the end are the same Cabazon ones in my favorite movie "Pee-wee's Big Adventure." Now they're owned by a Creationist who uses them ironically to disprove evolution.
-That cute redhead who plays Haley in the film--guys, you know you had a crush on her back in the late 80s--is now the lead singer for Rilo Kiley. Time to catch a show, dammit. (Don't touch her breast, though. She'll tell Spanky and you'll get beaten up by truckers.)

So there you go. Get your hands on a copy now! I hope you don't get nervous like last time. I wouldn't want you to..."wiz" on someone!

How fucking weird is Steely Dan?

This weird.

http://www.steelydan.com/heywes.html

Here's my favorite part. It sounds like my old film professor Sue Scheibler as if she had just combined some gnarly LSD, speed and Peeps after reading through an entire book of Pauline Kael, misreading it as something optimistic and philosophical:

"Let's put our cards on the table - surely, we are not the first to tell you that your career is suffering from a malaise. Fortunately, inasmuch as it is a malaise distinctly different than that of Mr.______ , and to the extent that you have not become so completely alienated from the intellectual and moral wellsprings of your own creativity, we are hoping that we - yours truly, Donald and Walter - may successfully "intervene" at this point in time and be of some use to you in your latest, and, potentially, greatest, endeavor.

Again, an artist of your stripe could never be guilty of the same sort of willing harlotry that befalls so many bright young men who take their aspirations to Hollywood and their talent for granted. You have failed or threatened to fail in a far more interesting and morally uncompromised way (assuming for a moment that self-imitation and a modality dangerously close to mawkishness are not moral failings, but rather symptoms of a profound sickness of the soul.)"

Read the rest with the link above.

Film/TV/Theatre News Recap (8/18/06)

Another addition of film/TV/theatre news. Sorry if it's so AICN-heavy.

THREE OF HOLLYWOOD'S HOTTEST JOIN FORCES FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24168

For those of you not in the know, Elizabeth Banks is gonna be a star, I tells ya! Watch "Wet Hot American Summer," "40 Year Old Virgin," "The Baxter" and "Slither," then tell me I'm wrong. I dare you.

---

ACE VENTURA 3: SON OF ACE?

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24169

I happen to be the only person on Earth who prefers When Nature Calls to the original film, so what the fuck do I know?

---

JAPANESE TRAILER FOR CLINT EASTWOOD'S 2-FILM IWO JIMA SAGA

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24172

Either Clint's going to get a lot of shit from Conservatives for telling both sides of this story, or he's going to win another Oscar, once again beating out Martin Scorsese. (Damn you, Dirty Harry!)

---

BRUNO KIRBY, YOU WILL BE MISSED

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24175

Watch "When Harry Met Sally" and "City Slickers" in the next week to show some respect. And try to track down his episode of "Homicide: Life on the Streets."

---

DARABONT CREAMS HIS PANTS OVER "PAN'S LABYRINTH"

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24176

To answer a previous question, "when is Guillermo Del Toro not making a horror fantasy?" I answer as such: When he's making a horror actioner (Blade II) or a horror suspense (Mimic, Devil's Backbone). Or, of course, a comic book orgasm (Hellboy).

---

"HOSTEL 2" CAST

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24177

As long as there's no more slicing of someone's Achilles Tendon, I'm fine with anybody.

---


WES ANDERSON STRIKES AGAIN

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24178

It'll never live up to his American Express commercial. "Where's my snack?" "You're eating it." "Oh."

---

"SWEENEY TODD" FILM OFFICIAL

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24184

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060817k.php

http://broadwayworld.com/viewcolumn.cfm?colid=11572

I still think Depp is completely wrong, but I'm very open to surprises.

---

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN REPLACES BROADBENT (WHO REPLACED CRYSTAL) IN "HAIRSPRAY"

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24186

http://broadwayworld.com/viewcolumn.cfm?colid=11591

http://www.broadway.com/Gen/Buzz_Story.aspx?ci=535112

So, we have two people from Pulp Fiction in this movie, as well as the stars of both Grease 1 and Grease 2.

---

TRAILER FOR WILL SMITH'S NEW MOVIE THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS REMARKABLY DECENT

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24187

Oscar bait, but I'm biting.

---

SILVER SURFER, GAYEST SUPERHERO EVER, MAKES IT TO THE BIG SCREEN WITH THE FANTASTICALLY LAME 4

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24188

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060817i.php

Well, it must mean Galactus is showing up, and that's pretty sweet. Otherwise, the Silver Surfer is a metallic gleam of a queen.

---

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN'S MAGICIAN BATTLE EXTRAVAGANZA!







What could possibly go wrong with this movie, outside of a current overabundance of Scarlett Johannson everywhere.

---

THIS IS FOR ALL YOU TRANSFORMERS GEEKS

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24211

and this

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24215

---

NEWS ON FAULKNER'S "SOUND AND THE FURY" FILM

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060817h.php

---

IS DOMINIC PURCELL THE NEW HULK?

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060817k.php

As long as they finally tell us if this is a sequel, a reimagining, a restart, or what the fuck. Hell, I dig Ang Lee's version, but then he went all Brokeback on us. Give me my modern mythology, dammit!

---

JOSE CANSECO MOVIE GOING THROUGH

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060818e.php

Funny story: I interviewed for an internship position with the company producing the film, and despite my status as an Oakland A's fan (especially in the Bash Brother days) and as a hard worker, I guess they realized I wasn't keen on working 40 hours a week for free. Bastards.

---

DANIEL CRAIG IN WHAT COULD BE THE MOST BATSHIT CRAZY MAINSTREAM MOVIE IN QUITE SOME TIME

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060818k.php

I should pick up these books one of these days. I love any hokey adventure novel that picks on the Catholic Church. And hey, at least now Nicole Kidman has some company.

---

WHO IS REJOINING THE CAST OF "24"?

http://aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24160

This is all well and good, because Balfour is a notorious killer of new shows, so joining up with what is guaranteed to win Best Drama at the upcoming Emmy's could kill this streak.

---

THE GUY WHO ROCKED MY SOCKS ON "INVASION" HAS JOINED "VANISHED"

http://www.zap2it.com/tv/news/zap-eddiecibrianonvanished,0,5134035.story?coll=zap-tv-headlines

With him on Vanished and Fichtner on Prison Break, I'm a happy man. As long as they can find a home for the luscious Lisa Sheridan as well.

---

OH, THE PROBLEMS WITH REALITY TV PERSONALITIES

http://www.zap2it.com/tv/news/zap-ryanstarsupernova,0,4456704.story?coll=zap-tv-headlines

Try not fucking up a Rolling Stones song next time, Ruskie.

---

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE BETTER SHUT HIS FUCKING MOUTH

http://www.zap2it.com/tv/news/zap-justintimberlaketaylorhicksamericanidol,0,4688262.story?coll=zap-tv-headlines

Cry me a river, motherfucker. Taylor Hicks owns you.

---

HAD SHE JOINED "STUDIO 60," I WOULD BE A MUCH HAPPIER MAN

http://www.zap2it.com/tv/news/zap-janekrakowskijoins30rock,0,1779072.story?coll=zap-tv-headlines

Darn Tina Fey. At least it got her off of SNL, where she was about to bring it down to bad-1985 comedy level if she continued as head writer any longer.

---

"DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS" TO FINALLY CLOSE IN SEPTEMBER

http://broadwayworld.com/viewcolumn.cfm?colid=11609

http://www.broadway.com/Gen/Buzz_Story.aspx?ci=535119

Never saw it. Don't care to see it. Hate the music. Good riddance.

---

HOLY SHIT, THEY MADE A MUSICAL OUT OF THIS? AND IT STARS MY HONEY KERRY BUTLER IN THE RICCI ROLE?

http://broadwayworld.com/viewcolumn.cfm?colid=11558

Oh Kerry Butler, how you have wooed me onstage in Hairspray. Now you're a conniving wench. Ain't that just grand?

---

THE NEXT BIG SONDHEIM REVIVAL GETS A START DATE

http://broadwayworld.com/viewcolumn.cfm?colid=11554

It is from the same director as the recent revival of Sweeney Todd, but I won't hold that against him. Fucking minimalist.

---

TONY KUSHNER DOC TO BE RELEASED THIS FALL ALL OVER YOUR FACES

http://broadwayworld.com/viewcolumn.cfm?colid=11483

I saw this a couple weeks ago at the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival, screening at Berkeley Rep. Good yet surprisingly unoriginal documentary on someone who deserves more.

---

REACTION TO MARTIN SHORT'S SEMI-AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL MUSICAL

http://www.broadway.com/Gen/Buzz_Story.aspx?ci=535122

Hey, at least it sounds better than Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.

---

WIDELY ACCLAIMED "FAITH HEALER" CLOSES ITS DOORS

http://www.broadway.com/Gen/Buzz_Story.aspx?ci=534885

Not only was this up for some mega Tony awards, this also played in Dublin last I was there. Darned if the tickets weren't sold out before the engagement even started. I must see Ralph Fiennes onstage one day, and at least shake hands with Senator/Emperor Palpatine.

---

And hey, I might have a temporary job with a traveling student film festival as well as an editorial internship at a video game website based out of South San Francisco, so keep those fingers crossed.

Well now...

According to my parents, if I don't get a job in the next month, they're throwing me out.

In the spirit of that announcement, I am not updating my film/TV news for a bit. You all understand.

You sly fox!

Thanks, FOX, for pre-empting the penultimate episode of this year's Hell's Kitchen for a San Francisco Giants-Washington Nationals and deciding not to air it at all.

Pricks.

Thoughts on "Valley Girl"

-Nicolas Cage is a much better name than Nicolas Coppola.
-What the hell happened to Frederic Forrest?
-The film feels like it was written in 10 days, and it was.
-I love that the prom backup band is Kajagoogoo, which is something I've always wanted to name a cat. Unfortunately, I'll just have to settle for calling my dog Raja "Rajagoogoo."
-I feel dirty for enjoying seeing Elizabeth "E.G." Daily's tits. I mean sure, she's cute as Dottie in my favorite film Pee-wee's Big Adventure, but she's also the voice of Buttercup on Powerpuff Girls, Babe in Pig in the City and Tommy Pickles on Rugrats. It's like how I feel awkward thinking Pamela Adlon on Lucky Louie is kind of hot, even though I know her as the voice of Bobby Hill on King of the Hill. Then again, I just saw Ms. Daily play a whore named Candy in Devil's Rejects, so I should't complain.
-After the overly long driving sequence down Sunset in the film, it made me realize I sort of miss Los Angeles. Not by much, mind you. I still hate all you fuckers!
-Within the same sequence, I began to think about how Mayor Giuliani changed NYC--at least Manhattan--from a scum-filled hellhole into the Disney-fied Times Square it is now, within, oh, around eight years and what changes L.A. has made during the same time. However, looking at the Sunset Strip in this film circa 1983 and now, there is absolutely no difference. It's still a scum-filled hellhole.
-So this is the movie where Modern English's "Melt With You" came from.
-I still hate The Valley.

Thoughts on Ann Coulter (preliminary)

I intend to express the dissatisfaction I encountered recently reading Ann Coulter's book How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must) and how they affect my opinion of a person I greatly admire, but first I'll just post today's edition of the comic strip Non Sequitur.

(I'll post the link as well as the comic. When I post a couple more times, the strip can actually be entirely seen, unlike when it is atop my blog. Someone needs to tell me how to alter my template.)

http://news.yahoo.com/comics/nonsequitur

Brian Posehn - Metal By Numbers

If you know who Brian Posehn is--and you should--this should make your day.

Film/TV/Theatre News Recap (8/9/06)

Since I want this blog to become more than just a forum for my bitching and in fact go along with my original intention of tying my personal life to the elements of popular culture that alter my life, I will begin posting pop culture news of interest. Since my interests lie mostly in film, theatre and television, I will mostly refrain from getting into music and art unless absolutely necessary. While I can analyze the shit out of the aforementioned three interests, the music I listen to is mostly based on the fact that I like the way it sounds and have little interest in music history. (I am in the process of rectifying that facet, though, and am in the middle of reading Lester Bangs' Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung after showing interest in Chuck Klosterman's oeuvre.)

I will do news recaps as much as possible, but I do not have any intention of becoming a film gossip site. These are merely stories of interest from the websites I visit frequently, repackaged for your viewing.

(Sorry about the stretched out images and hyperlinks. I'm trying to work on it.)

---

'Grease': The Reality Show
The casting of a Broadway musical will become a TV reality series when NBC launches You're the One That We Want, a midseason show in which viewers will select the leads for a revival of Grease on Broadway. (The show's title was lifted from a song title in the musical.) It will be produced by Kathleen Marshall, who will serve as a judge on the TV show, along with Jim Jacobs, the co-creator of Grease, and theatrical producer David Ian. The Grease revival is scheduled to open on Broadway in June 2007, with tickets going on sale in December. It is being produced by BBC Worldwide Productions, the commercial subsidiary of the publicly funded British broadcast company. Meanwhile, auditions for Season 6 of Fox's American Idol kicked off at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena Tuesday.
http://imdb.com/news/sb/2006-08-09/

---

Outrage Over Burstyn's 15-Second Emmy Nomination

Ellen Burstyn's nomination for a Best Supporting Actress Emmy Award is being ridiculed by the US media, because the Oscar winner appears in Mrs. Harris for a mere 15 seconds. THe HBO drama stars Sir Ben Kingsley as Dr. Herman Tarnower - the man who invented the Scarsdale diet - and Annette Bening as Jean Harris, the woman who murdered him. Burstyn appears in a flashback sequence, and her character is listed on the Internet Movie Database as "Ex-Lover Number Three." The New York Post writes the 73-year-old's performance "required her to do nothing more than sit in a chair and speak three sentences of dialogue in a vaguely foreign accent." The newspaper claims Burstyn's nomination in the Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie category is indicative of the "deeply flawed process" leading to the nominations. Winners will be announced in Los Angeles on August 27.
http://imdb.com/news/wenn/2006-08-09/

---







HALO HAS A DIRECTOR

http://aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24134

---






KEVIN SMITH'S NEXT PROJECT

http://aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24133

---





Quint interviews the King of Cool Samuel L. Jackson about SNAKES ON A MUTHAFUCKIN' PLANE!!!

http://aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24122

---






JOHN CARPENTER'S SEQUEL "ESCAPE FROM EARTH" A HOAX

http://aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24115

---





ZOOEY DESCHANEL IS JANIS JOPLIN AFTER PINK DROPS OUT

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060809j.php

---





SIXTH SEASON FOR "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060809a.php

---

NEW POSTERS

The Glorious Brian DePalma's Next Project






The First Part of Clint Eastwood's WWII Two-Film Epic






Guillermo Del Toro's Horror Fantasy






---

"PRISON BREAK" SEASON 2 DETAILS

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060808g.php

---






ROBIN WILLIAMS IN REHAB

http://www.zap2it.com/movies/news/zap-robinwilliamsrehab,0,3384126.story?coll=zap-movies-headlines

---




"FEAST" WILL MAKE FAST DVD TURNAROUND

http://www.zap2it.com/movies/news/zap-feastreleasepattern,0,1331865.story?coll=zap-movies-headlines

---






BOB SAGET HOSTS NEW GAMESHOW

http://www.zap2it.com/tv/news/zap-bobsagetnbcgameshow,0,800504.story?coll=zap-tv-headlines

---





JIM BROADBENT STEALS BILLY CRYSTAL'S ROLE IN THE "HAIRSPRAY" MOVIE

http://www.broadway.com/Gen/Buzz_Story.aspx?ci=534414

---

"THE FANTASTICKS" REVIVAL POSTPONED
(GOOD, BECAUSE THE SHOW BLOWS)

http://www.broadway.com/Gen/Buzz_Story.aspx?ci=534607

---

BEST ENTERTAINMENT HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

Aniston, Vaughn Reportedly Either Engaged or Broken Up
(way to narrow it down)

http://www.zap2it.com/movies/news/zap-latestanistonvaughnengagementbuzz,0,6781984.story?coll=zap-movies-headlines

---

And this just in: Talladega Nights sucked balls.

Three reasons Michael Bay is underrated (Part 1)

Yes, the man gave us Pearl Harbor, a mediocre if not terrible attempt at epic historical filmmaking. Likewise, Bad Boys II is an overlong piece of glorified mess, but what a glorified mess. The Rock has its share of bummer moments, but you know that you were excited about that shit in middle school. And what if Armageddon has a cut every 1.5 seconds?

None of these really matter, neither does the upcoming soon-to-be-classic trash Transformers movie. No, what has made me turn around my opinion of Mr. Michael Bay lies below, during his music video heyday.

Three videos from one of my favorite albums. In descending order of awesome. Let the Loaf wash over you. Gape in awe at his glory. Learn the triumph of rock. Remember, rock 'n' roll dreams come through.


Meat Loaf--"Rock N Roll Dreams Come Through"

Random Thoughts on Reality TV--Rockstar: Supernova

I didn't watch more than an episode of 2005's Rockstar: INXS, so I can't say for certain whether J.D. fit the profile of that band you vaguely remember from the 80's, more because you either thought their name was spelled "In Excess" or pronounced "inks." And I do know that both years of the show have garnered mediocre ratings (I hear Supernova fluctuates quietly around #40 on the Neilsen chart) so I don't expect people to really know what it is I rant about.







But I do know for a fact that Tommy Lee is the dirtiest motherfucker on television right now.

The new supergroup rock band Supernova consists of Gilby Clarke (formerly of Guns 'N Roses) on guitar, Jason Newsted from Metallica on bass and our very own Mr. 9-inch penis on drums, and they chill in the back of the oddly vampire lair-themed mockup of downtown L.A.'s Club Mayan (where I was once an extra in a music video) spouting very short, clipped, oft-unintelligible yays and nays about the eclectic group of young rock singers that sing/yell before them.

The group has its share of truly talented individuals who each have a unique gift they can bring to the show. However, I do not believe that any kind of Metallica/Motley Crue/GnR band would ever, EVER, have a female lead for the band. Just like the unbalanced battle of the sexes that apparently took place last season, this season is no different. The songs Supernova has given the group, while still retaining a good bit of hair metal, is a kind of rock that most companies wouldn't have the balls to give to a female.

This bodes poorly for Storm Large--yes, that's her real name--who is without question the frontrunner of the pack at this moment. This 6-foot rock goddess from Portland has shown her chops time and time again, absolutely killing songs left and right. (Killing in the good way.) Her version of Dramarama's "Anything, Anything" made me feel for the song more than I ever cared to in the past, as her described "singing like she was possessed by rock" reminds me of Hedwig a lot of the time. Last week her theatrics were toned down to make way for her soaring and bluesy rendition of David Bowie's "Changes," which did its job: it made me want to go out and buy the Bowie album, and by "buy," I mean "download."

It doesn't hurt, either, that she is absolutely gorgeous, both in a very natural sense and that gritty downtrodden rocker chic that I know this generation still can't get enough of. (It may seem more like a Gen-X preference, but that I believe is one of the lasting characterstics that made it over to our generation. If you haven't noticed, most girls my age, when asked who they are attracted to, will almost always say "a skinny emo boy with a lip ring" or some crap like that.)

I also appreciate a gnarly stage dive. She's the only one whose had the guts so far on the show.

Really, she should just get a mega-contract to go out with the band she's already had, The Balls, and they can be Storm the Balls! Avast! Storm the Balls!







But back to my point. I also somewhat object to a female front for the band, and not for any misogynist reason. The problem is, you just know that if Storm were made lead of Supernova, their tours would be literal orgies of Gilby/Jason/Storm/Tommy stature. Their lovemaking would actually make physical bubbles that would look like the sex frenzy at the end of the Futurama episode "Why Must I Be A Crustacean in Love." The spawn resulting from the orgy would be Satan, and the world would explode.

Which brings me back, in a sense, to Tommy Lee. He is the most inappropriate reality TV host of all time, and this includes the obscenity-ridden Gordon Ramsey from "Hell's Kitchen," who likes to call female chefs "cows." Mr. Lee has got sex on the mind, booty all the time. Mr. Long Dick Dong has turned much of the competition into a series of quick flirtations with the female contestants, and even the male. (His response to Ryan Star's lowdown piano version of "Losing My Religion," which is the best performance of the season, was "that performance is so gonna get you laid." By whom, Tommy? All the people watching at home who would like nothing better than to fuck a D-list celebrity on a low-rated reality show? I think Tommy has some homoeroticism he needs to tend to.)

Let's examine his reactions to Zayra, the worst singer on the show. This Puerto Rican nuthouse thinks putting on satin wings and missing every single note to Tommy Tutone's "867-5309" is perfectly acceptable as long as she looks good and puts on a show. This miserable mess is a beautiful, if tres peculiar, woman of model proportions, but this is still in fact a rock competition. Not necessarily a singing competition, because rock singing is a hell of a lot different from regular singing. (I don't want another fight about this topic, though, so I'll shut up about it.) Zayra has been put in the bottom three so often that it would seem like a good heads-up to Supernova to get that tramp out of the way, but as usual, Tommy's thinking with his dong. Last week, he offered to wrestle her in some mud after her performance, as if the hundreds of audience members and the few million of us at home just don't seem to notice how grotesque this man is.

(Sidenote: I know that it was publicized that Tommy Lee gave Pamela Anderson Hepatitus B, which, as is understandable, made her very dang mad. But now that she and Kid Rock have gotten married after a see-saw of broken engagements, I have to wonder if she's passed along ol' Hep B to her new spouse. You just know they don't use rubbers. But then you have to think that Kid Rock has obviously already obtained some pretty vicious bawitdabadabangadangdiggydiggydiggysaidtheboogiesaidupjumptheboogie VDs, so I guess I shouldn't worry.)

Just so you can get an understanding of how batshit catshit crazy Zayra is, because I think you really must know--here's a photo. I'll give you a minute. Let me know when you're back.







Okay, but how about the rest of the competition. The aforementioned Ryan Star--who is one extra "R" away from being a first season American Idol finalist whose original name was Tiffany Montgomery (why the fuck do I know this?)--gave an intensity that the show hadn't seen before, and proved that yelling effectively to notes doesn't have to be on key to work. (See, there's that theory again about rock singing vs. regular singing. That's a good example. Too bad you have to fucking download the performances from ITunes, and I'll be damned if I'm paying $0.99 for something on CBS.)







Canadian punk rocker Lukas Rossi has a marvelous Billy Idol growl to him, but as TVgasm has pointed out, he's a fucking hobbit who performs what seems to be an Oompa Loompa/Don Corleone mashup. He was the frontrunner for a while, and I dig his style, but something horrible happens on every reality show competition, and he'll probably be leaving soon. But if you've ever wondered what "Bittersweet Symphony" sounded like as a hardcore punk song, he's your guy.







Jill Goie, who looks like but isn't the oldest person on the show, can fucking rock wail in a way that makes me think of Four Non-Blondes ("and I said heeeeeeyayayaya, what's going on?!"), but she's been shafted time and time again for prettier girls. Just comprehend the scolding she got from Gilby Clarke after she kept on grinding him on the stage. Grinding on your guitarist during a rock song? For shame!

The most recent fatality on the show was doled out by "hatchetman" Tommy Lee to poor little Dana Andrews. It took me a few weeks to get it out of my head that she was, in fact, not the actor from the 1960s who was in shit like "Night of the Demon," which just happens to be a lyric in "Rocky Horror Picture Show" ("Dana Andrews said prunes/gave him the runes/and passing them used lots of skill"). Once I got over that, though, I noticed that this little Georgia peach was absolutely in the wrong competition. She has a very pop sensibility, and as contestants and judges tried to get her to grunge things up, she just seemed like she was playing a part.







She finally did the rock gods proud with her version of The Who's "Baba O'Riley" (while I am a mildly enthuasiastic fan of The Who, I still have no fucking idea why the song is called that) that seemed perfectly fine to me, but struck the judges as a play for votes. They said the song was about teenage rebellion, and she just couldn't represent that.

What should have happened is that instead of merely trying to up her stage antics (which always seemed forced) and getting a tattoo of a treble clef (how shocking!) is that CBS should have given fellow contestant Dilana (a South African growling queen) carte blanche to just turn Dana into this vicious little gutter punk. Just throw a couple tattoo sleeves on that little body and make her pierce herself where it hurts, cut bits of hair out in random order, and smear lipstick where it doesn't belong. It would have been splendid. Here's Dilana, if you were wondering.







In the end, the show matters very little. It got a roasting on Best Week Ever for its non-pedigree ways and well as the questionable intelligence of much of the "cast." It is, however, a good trade-off from America's Got Talent, which I stopped watching on Wednesday night once it became a voting competition, despite my man-crush for the Hoff.

And Tommy Lee is a filthy petrie dish of terror.

Isn't that just grand!

Yesterday I applied for a copy editor position at Vacaville's newspaper The Reporter, one of several newspapers offering the same position for which I am quite qualified. It was a part-time job, paid well, and seemed like a small enough newspaper with which to make my mark and not get lost in all the hubbub that would be normal for, say, the San Francisco Chronicle.

Today I received this e-mail from their news editor Angela Adams:

Dear Mr. Goodman,
Did you apply to the correct ad? You say you can be a valuable asset to the SF weekly. This is The Reporter.
Sincerely Angela Adams,
News Editor
The Reporter

Aside from the fact that she got my last name wrong despite it appearing about two inches below her response, she had exposed the way I apply to internet jobs. I admit that I have several templates for job applications that I use as a result of them being good cover letters that get the point across. This is only the second time I have made such a mistake in two years, and there it is blatantly on the page.

Unfortunate, because (a) I am a great copy editor and (b) it seems they were paying enough attention to my own application that had I not made the error I could have had a chance.

Here was my response:

Dear Ms. Adams,

It seems you have caught me in a pickle that doesn't exactly prove my copy editing skills. I did in fact apply to an SF Weekly ad as well as one to The Reporter within the same day. I shall chalk this blunder up to my preference to edit copy with pen and paper and a lack of nutrition.

--MG

Despite my attempt at humor, I don't think I'll be getting a response back from Ms. Adams.

Shit.