'Tis Lousy to Have Loved and Lost... : Another Pause in Our Programming

Well, another network down. We've learned this year that for the most part, NBC, under the watch of recently ousted entertainment president Kevin Reilly, took chances with some very peculiar shows, and for the most part stuck with them at least for a full season (or half-season in the cases of mid-season replacements). The casualties weren't as severe as ABC, nor as half-assed as CBS, or nearly the disaster that was FOX's last season (one, count them, one new show lasted to see another season, and it's not a very good one) and the future looks bright for NBC. I'll deal with their new shows later on when that times draws closer.

There were, of course, another handful of shows on NBC's canceled list about which I didn't write. This would either be due to the fact that I was on the road for four months starting in January (severely limiting the hours I usually dedicated to watching every damn thing the networks throw at me) or a complete lack of interest. As follows:

-"The Black Donnellys": Paul Haggis is sort of a hack, and while the concept mildly intrigued me, I wasn't going to watch anything he created on his own. I reserve my right to do this.

-"Crossing Jordan": During its entire run I have seen exactly zero episodes. I did, however, see an episode of "Las Vegas" where the two characters randomly appeared to solve a mystery at the Montecito. It was okay.

-"Grease: You're The One That I Want": I watched the first three weeks of this, and then work caught up with me (along with the fact that it was nigh-impossible to download any episodes of this). I appreciated the effort but wasn't ecstatic about it, and from what I knew of the contestants by the time I stopped watching, I was not satisfied with the winning couple. Still, an intriguing idea for a show that just didn't catch on. (You know, like "On the Lot" right now.)

-"Raines": I saw the pilot very recently, and thought it was really interesting, but I just don't have it in me to download the rest of the small season, especially now that it's canceled. Sorry, Jeff Goldblum.

-"The Real Wedding Crashers": One of the two shows that stole "Studio 60's" Monday at 10 spot, it fell under that series of reality television--i.e. dating shows and wifeswapping--I decided early on to avoid.

-"Thank God You're Here": A mediocre but slightly watchable take-off on "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" that just didn't grab my attention during the first episode. All the episodes were available on NBC.com and still may be (along with "TBD" and "Friday Night Lights") and still very may well be, and I might visit a couple more before I say goodbye, but I'm fine without it. The hilarious Bryan Cranston, who appeared on the first episode, now has his own series coming up called "Breaking Bad." I'm looking forward to that far more.

As with ABC's "What About Brian?" I'm not sure if I'm ready to discuss the cancellation of "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" for two reasons:

1) It is very dear to my heart.

2) They're still technically burning off episodes.

And as for "The Apprentice," it may not be on the fall schedule, and Trump may have threatened to quit, but current legal battles and flighty network executives haven't technically dropped this one yet.

CBS is next, and they've got some shit to deal with maintenant.

'Tis Lousy to Have Loved and Lost... : 2006-2007's TV Casualties Part 12

KIDNAPPED

Synopsis: The son of an affluent New Yorker is kidnapped, leading to a high-powered manhunt involving vast political conspiracies.

What Worked: Probably the most sly debut show of the season, this was underplayed and nearly underacted, avoiding the bombastic nature of most cop shows. This was one to which you reaaaaally had to pay attention, and for the few episodes that actually aired in its original Wednesday at 10 timeslot, it made the viewers feel like they were reading a damn good mystery novel. This was a full season commitment, much like HBO's "The Wire," which pretty much every reputable critic in America agrees is one of the greatest television shows of all time. "Kidnapped" is not "The Wire," not even close, but it shared the same intelligence.

I know that I've been gushing over the ensemble cast of most shows already in this article series, but "Kidnapped" boasted by far the greatest, bar none. I have been the biggest Jeremy Sisto fan ever since his role as Roberto in Lawrence Kasdan's tour de force "Grand Canyon" (like Paul Haggis's "Crash," only not lame) right through such works as "Clueless," "May" and his role as Billy Chenoweth on "Six Feet Under." As the hard-edged private eye with unorthodox tactics (yeah, aren't they always that way?), he was an itchy trigger finger antihero that seemed more at home in a cable show like "The Closer" or "The Shield."

The rest of the major cast included Bay Area guy Delroy Lindo ("Get Shorty") as Sisto's former partner and pointman of the investigation, Mykelti Williamson ("Forrest Gump") as the victim's bodyguard and Timothy Hutton ("Ordinary People") and Dana Delaney ("NYPD Blue") as the parents. In addition, the show was filmed in New York, so instead of those L.A. characters actors we see in several shows during the same year in guest roles, "Kidnapped" has its share of cult actors and theatre personalities, the two most noteworthy being Anthony Rapp ("Rent") and James Urbaniak (Dr. Venture on "The Venture Brothers").

What Didn't Work: This show got praised to high holy heaven by many print and online critics, but I always found it a bit too solemn for its own good, or for its very few viewers. I found the focus on the parents too depressing to work in comparison to the in-depth investigation, which is an admittedly sociopathic response entirely on my part but still nevertheless true.

I wish the show had remained a little more focused on the case at hand, really, and understanding more about the Sisto character and less about the victim (who we saw being kept in Mexico for no real reason), more like the other wealthy kidnapped person show this year, FOX's "Vanished." I actually enjoyed that show a great deal more, but in a very stupid I'm-watching-FOX way.

But it's very hard to pass judgement on this show, since it lasted no more than four episodes in its time slot, was put on hiatus, then asked by the producers to take the 22-episode arc and squeeze it into 13, then only aired those episodes scattered throughout the year, ultimately showing the final handful all together on a weekend.

Why Not Enough People Watched: The death of the serialized show not about superheroes or castaways continues. It's definitely a tough sell, and to put it into the slot occupied by TV mainstay "Law & Order" after more than a decade in the same spot probably seemed like blasphemy to NBC watchers. ("L&O" also suffered greatly from this change, a move that almost ended its legendary run entirely.)

I can't blame NBC for canceling it, though. Just look at that cast list. That's a whole lot of moolah to pony up, not to mention the fact that New York is an absolute killer of shows due to the monstrous sums of money it takes to film there.

It just wasn't happening. NBC was hemmhoraging money, and needed a surefire hit from the get-go. Let's see how Sisto does now that he's joined "L&O." (What a coinkydink.)

Overall Series: 6.5 (out of 10)

Final 2006-2007 Neilsen Rating: #106 (5.6 million viewers)

Fun Fact: NBC tried a bold new marketing strategy by placing the show's pilot on Netflix a month in advance to spread the good word. Suffice it to say, it didn't work. And look, what other show did they try this on? "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," another one that won't be making it to next season. It did work for "Heroes," but one out of three is very much bad.

'Tis Lousy to Have Loved and Lost... : 2006-2007's TV Casualties Part 11

IDENTITY

Synopsis: Coolest motherfucking magician on the face of the planet Penn Jillette--whose daughter's name is Moxie Crimefighter (best name in the world)--hosts this game show where he literally puts 12 people on pedestals and asks contestants to correctly identify their identity for cash prizes.

What Worked: This was kind of a gnarly show. Let's put aside the fact that I know a production assistant who worked on the show (and was subsequently promoted, though I don't know to what position), but this was a good game show that at least took a little bit more skill than simple fifth grade statistics and picking random briefcases. You had to understand people, what made them who they were, and finding little miniscule details about their person that lent you the answer to their true identity. The identity is "shark-bite victim?" Look for how their clothes are placed. "Elementary school teacher"? Look at their eyes, for that's where the stress of teaching third grade resides.

It was also amusing to an ungodly amount where you as a pop culture aficionado (or maybe it's just me and my close friends) absolutely know the identity of a certain person, and the contestant does not. This includes Stan Lee, "Top Model" Caridee English, the Moviefone guy, etc. When former New Kid on the Block Jordan Knight lasted the entirety of his episode without being identified (I believe the contestant lost before they got a chance), I was 95% certain he would have gone home that night and killed himself in depression, but alas this was not the case.

There's also the #1 reason why I liked this show: Penn Jillette. I don't think enough people know it, but I have a strong obsession with magicians. I absolutely love every single one of them that has the competence and confidence (whee, rhyming) to do their shit with absolute finesse. It's only natural: film is basically an illusion at 24 frames per second--look at me ripping off Godard and Neil Burger in the same fucking sentence--so why should I neglect magic itself? Jillette is my favorite of these, along with his mute pal Teller, for treating their trade as both art and entertainment, as well as a teaching device. They are the ones who tend to explain their tricks, which is oddly not frustrating at all. I'd rather them tell me how they made a fucking submarine disappear from underwater in the Bahamas (they used a helicopter) than David Copperfield hide the fact that he made the Statue of Liberty disappear by covering it up with FOG MACHINES! And this isn't even mentioning the stellar Showtime series "Penn & Teller's Bullshit" where the two act as probably the most logical investigative reporters in television history.

Yes, I'm a goddamn media whore. Jillette's presence on this show makes everything 800X better. Sue me. I'm going to really miss this guilty pleasure.

What Didn't Work: Stevi would like me to mention that she refers to this show, which she did still very much enjoy, as "Shit I Did Last Week." She (and me to a much lesser extent) felt that the title "Identity" was sometimes a misnomer, as something that happened in a person's life (that person being one of the 12 on a pedestal) did not necessarily indicate their true identity. The "shark-bite victim" previously mentioned is an example, as are people who have their IQs/SAT scores listed as their identity, or people who had heart transplants in the past, et cetera et cetera. This was mildly annoying, but not as much as...

...my gameshow hatred of a contestant automatically losing because of one wrong answer. Now, in the first half of the game, the contestant was allowed one wrong answer, which was pretty sweet. They were also allowed to narrow down their choices (like on "Millionaire" where the four choices were whittled down to two, even though that would 90% of the time be the two answers the contestant was ALREADY CONSIDERING) and ask a "panel of experts" (body language expert, FBI dude and psychologist), but this still bothered me. I know the design of the show is to get people to use their damn smarts to identify the 12 people, and I saw at least three contestants win the big prize (half a million, I believe), but I will automatically be opposed to a show where one wrong answer equals termination.

Overall Series: 7.5 (out of 10)

Final 2006-2007 Neilsen Rating: #90 (6.3 million viewers)

Fun Fact: David Blaine is an asshole. And not a magician. Fuck him. And thus concludes the first of this series I wrote drunk. I think it's noticeable.

'Tis Lousy to Have Loved and Lost... : 2006-2007's TV Casualties Part 10

ANDY BARKER, P.I.

Synopsis: A newly relocated accountant (Andy Richter, "...Controls the Universe") finds that his new office was once the headquarters for a private eye (Harve Presnell, "Fargo"), and takes on the bizarre cases that literally walk through his door.


What Worked: As usual, Richter himself. Since his departure from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" (who is also a producer on this show), he's struggled with ratings for his own shows, but he has always been a top-notch comedic actor, whose power lies in the fact that he underplays everything so much that he comes off not as an actor, but as a friend that happens to be on television. A lot of very strange things happened on this show, and it was approached
with a very hard-to-identify kind of nonchalance that made the show original and different.

The cases always had a fucked-up twist to them, but they also gave the show a lighthearted shrug quality that seemed to intentionally alienate viewers used to CSI zooms and body wounds and shit. The cases weren't the point, but the quirks of the individual characters, such as the sudden violence of Presnell's character or the drier-than-a-desert delivery of Richter's secretary or the so-horny-as-to-be-creepy vibe of video store clerk Tony Hale ("Arrested Development").

What Didn't Work: Honestly, though, I was very confused when this show got all the praise it did, especially from Ain't It Cool News' Herc, who declared it the funniest show he'd ever seen. I smiled more than giggled, and I only got one big belly laugh out of the entire series. (Andy is investigating a chicken meatpacking conspiracy, and during a footchase scene he grabs a stray chicken, puts it in a warehouse and assures the chicken that it'll be safe. As he closes the door, it is labeled "Chicken Slaughterhouse.")

The rest of the time, the nonchalance I praised the show for also was a tad too forced, as I stopped caring about the cases altogether. That's fine, but it made the plot-heavy sequences kind of pointless, as if the writers are just treading water until they can come up with another weird joke about "an emergency thermos of bisque."

Why Not Enough Viewers Watched: Say it with me.

1. No laugh track.

2. Weird, difficult and quirky humor.

3. No bankable stars.

4. Bad advertising.

I was also extremely put off that the best episode of the series, "The Lady Varnishes" starring the absolutely hilarious Amy Sedaris, was only available online. Way to believe in a show from your future "Tonight Show" host, NBC.

Overall Series: 6.5 (out of 10)

Final 2006-2007 Neilsen Rating: #112 (5.4 million viewers)

Fun Fact: I am mildly glad that the show isn't around anymore for one very particular reason. Now that series regular Marshall Manesh is not attached to the show, he can appear as often as he fucking wants on "How I Met Your Mother" as taxi/limo driver Ranjit!

"Hit it, Ranjit!"

'Tis Lousy to Have Loved and Lost... : 2006-2007's TV Casualties Part 9

20 GOOD YEARS

Synopsis: Two aging friends, a judge (Jeffrey Tambor) and a doctor (John Lithgow), face mid-life crises and decide to move in together in an attempt to recapture their youth and finally experience the titular amount of time.

What Worked: In an effort to grab a viewing demographic often neglected by the networks (basically anything above age 35), NBC tried its hand at something old-fashioned and morose in the world of modern sitcoms.

What Didn't Work: Who am I kidding? Of the 25-or-so new shows in the 2006-2007 television season I watched, this was by far the worst. How Tambor and Lithgow can go from "Arrested Development" and "Third Rock From the Sun" (one of which is already a comedy classic, the other a warm reminder of the sitcom heyday of the 1990s) to this utterly despicable piece of shit absolutely boggles my mind. There must have been a really big paycheck involved for each of them, because otherwise these two savvy and very dependable character actors should be completely ashamed. There was not one laugh in this absolute bummer of a show, and this judgement is coming from someone who even found something to like in "Date Movie."

There is a good premise here, no question. Some of my favorite stories, be they TV, film or literature, involve people whose quests for personal contentment and happiness are sacrificed due to decisions made either for their struggles at the time or for the benefit of others, and their last-minute attempts to find that spirit again, start anew, become a new person. It's a simple concept to which absolutely everyone can relate, and it gives its main character(s) a strong amount of empathy other characters in other stories have problems attaining from the viewer/reader/listener.

So what the hell happened here? Why did I despise both characters, why was this show greenlighted, and why was I so pleased when the show was canceled after, I believe, two episodes, even though it might have spelled disaster for the other half of that NBC hour that belonged to "30 Rock"?

What a disaster.

Why Not Enough People Watched: Really, it wasn't anything in the above rant, about how offended I was by the piss-poor execution of a worthy premise or the great actors, because regular viewers have given plenty of time to lousy shows with the exact same problems. I think it falls more under the mentioned aversion of the show toward the 18-34 demographic and the current failure of nearly every sitcom on network television. This show was put out of its misery very quickly, and I'm not sure if people even remember it airing in the first place.

Overall Series: 1 (out of 10)

Final 2006-2007 Neilsen Rating: #106 (5.6 million viewers)

Fun Fact: Tambor sort of considered the cancellation of "Arrested Development" a blessing in disguise, as it allowed him to accept this role that he originally had to turn down to due a prior engagement with one of the funniest shows of all time! Somebody was drunk, it seems.

The Lamented Death of Reilly

As you can see from the above picture, no, I'm not talking about the recent death of TV personality Charles Nelson Reilly, although I hold a very small place in my heart for the reruns of "Match Game" I happen to catch every now and then after midnight on GSN.

No, I'm talking about the recent ousting of Kevin Reilly as president of NBC entertainment. While I am not prone to discussing the revolving door that is network television chief status as much as I am about the shows and ratings themselves, I felt that upon reading this news today from zap2it.com that I had to address the situation. See, I really liked Reilly. I liked what he stood for and how he handled some truly dire matters about the network. When he came on board to the network, they were already in fourth place among the Big Four, and it was his job to solve this calamity. Unlike what you'd expect anyone in his position to do (more low-end reality shows and cop dramas) he took a different route.

One of the great quotes from him came from the beginning of the 2006-2007 season upon choosing some very high-risk, expensive and esoteric shows to fill out the new schedule. He proclaimed that NBC's new policy was to create great shows first, as opposed to predestined hits. He was, in a great deal of ways, about bringing quality television to the masses, having come from helping greatly in establishing FX as a network that took chances with complex and controversial shows, and seemed a good fit with the new network. Did it succeed? Not exactly. NBC is still fourth place, and some of his shows bit the dust real hard, but he has a wonderful quality about him: tenacity.

Sure, Steve MacPherson over at ABC has also championed some truly wonderful and underrated shows, but he never had the guts to stick with them, allowing such gems as "Sons & Daughters," "Invasion" and "What About Brian?" to go the way of the dinosaurs instead of allowing them to find their audience. Reilly was different. He brought us "My Name Is Earl" and "The Office," and lauded them through some so-so ratings which still hold up to this day. He treats them like comedy royalty, and the people are slowly starting to catch on. These aren't dumb comedies, and in a lot of ways they are truly special. Same goes for "30 Rock" and the continuing support for "Scrubs," which will now enter its seventh year of very low ratings.

I appreciate him most for the "30 Rock" save, allowing it to blossom into a great and uproarious show, and believing in its potential early on. Same goes for the renewal of "Friday Night Lights," the best new show of the season and perhaps one of the greatest TV shows I've ever seen that just happened to hemmhorage ratings each week. Great shows first, ratings later.

I will always rue the day that he decided to not renew "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," but I'm slowly understanding why it just couldn't exist in this modern television climate.

The world of television grew a little bit darker today. Quality will always peek through every once in a while at the Big Four, but it's going to be a hell of a lot harder.