Curse you, Bearitos!

Sometimes on a Sunday afternoon, I like me to have some low-fat vegetarian organic black beans, and canned food company Bearitos is not making that easy.

I especially like the instructions for microwave cooking.

"Pour into microwaveable bowl and cover it and set microwave on high until HOT. Then stir."

But...but...how long will that be? The given time for most foods to microwave and come out edible is usually around two minutes, but how can I be certain for these beans? I don't know if living inside a can changes their physiological components, and two minutes would turn them gross, or still render them raw.

What constitutes "hot"? Burning? Warm? Ability to hold my finger in the beans for at least three seconds before I must eject said finger?

Bearitos is not nice to those of us who don't cook. I want my taco ingredients!

But then I remember that Bearitos means "little bears"--not literally, but in an English-Spanish hybrid helped along with that cute little mascot below--I laugh far more than I should, and then enjoy whatever shape and form these low-fat vegetarian black beans I can get.

(Little Bear sayz "Me wantz organic foodz!")