Don't get that clay pigeon in your hair now, y'heard?

The usage proliferation of the term "skeet" in recent years has fascinated me. As we all know, or at least should know, the term came into mainstream usage with the song "Get Low" by Atlanta's Lil' Jon & the East Side Boyz, wherein we are barraged with this during the chorus:

To the window! To the wall!
Till the sweat drop down my balls (My Balls!)
All these bitches crawl (Crawl)
Y'all skeet skeet motherfuckers (Motherfuckers)
Y'all skeet skeet god damn (God Damn!!!)
Y'all skeet skeet motherfuckers (Motherfuckers)
Y'all skeet skeet god damn (God Damn!!!)

Some of us were a little confused by the term, as it is hardly put into context within the song. Dave Chappelle, on his dearly departed sketch program "Chappelle's Show," addressed the song, and then suggested that white people don't know what it means.

This is why urbandictionary.com is a great resource. I did come to learn what the term meant, but the first post in the search said something to the effect of "Something white folk don't understand and have to look up in urbandictionary.com."

Hardey-har.

A few years later, I appreciate the new top entry a great deal more.

"Skeet" is actually a form of birth control practiced by the African-American tribes of North America near the beginning of the 21st Centruy. Visionaries of the time (such as Lil Jon and Nelly) recognized the inevitable and everpresent danger of overpopulation in their land and decided to take action. They discovered an ancient form of birth control used by their ancestors that involved "pulling out and shooting" (much like skeet shooting) during sexual intercourse, as to not impregnate the female, or "biatch". The visionaries spread the word the only way they knew how: rap music. People would listen to the songs of the visionaries during ritual smoking ceremonies and chant "skeet skeet skeet!". Every tribe of their kind in the land listened to rap music and the idea of skeeting quickly gained in popularity. Soon, the entire African-American tribe had done its part to offset the effects of overpopulation through generations of skeeting on the women that they did not wish to impregnate. However, the other tribes of the land (most notabley, the Whites and Mexicans) did not support the "Skeet Movement". They continued to grow in number until the Whites eventually ate the Mexicans. The Whites, however, refused to eat the African-Americans for fear of sickle cell anemia, so they all got on a very large boat and went back to England.

Now, halfway through that entry the etymology of the term is explained, albeit ever-so-briefly. Yes, in the sport of skeet shooting, you hit the trap, therefore pulling the clay pigeon, which flies out at a great speed into the air, where it is thusly taken down by a bullet from a shotgun wielded by an average sportsman. Therefore, pulling and shooting.

In theory, I feel that while the term does make logical sense, I can't get over a few troubling matters with this term and its origin.

1. Ejaculate very rarely exits the member in a disc form. There have been rare exceptions in places blessed by bleeding Virgin Mary statues and electromagnetic, invisible islands a la the television show "Lost."

2. If a clay pigeon hit you square in the face at maximum speed, a few bones would without a doubt break. Ejaculate, on the other hand, should be nothing more than a mild annoyance. Are they saying their ejaculate could break someone's jaw?

3. Ejaculate cannot possibly travel at the same speed as a clay pigeon, can it?

For the third point, I felt I had to do further research with the matter to settle it once and for all. A Google search using the phrase "speed of a clay pigeon" brought me to a sporting goods website selling "Clay Trap Throwers" (http://www.lcishootingsports.com/pages/products/). After a quick moment of perusing the site, I found that with the top product at LCI Shooting Sports, the average speed of the clay pigeon could be adjusted from 45-60 miles per hour. Sounds about right.

In order to compare, another search was in order, so I did what I usually do with more esoteric queries than Google can deal with: I asked Jeeves. Jeeves knows everything. Going to ask.com, I clicked the box next to the jolly butler and asked the following question: "At what speed does an average man ejaculate?"

Top result, no go. Top five. No go.

The sixth entry brought me to a site called "Strange But True Penis Facts" (http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/102521.html). Jackpot! After learning that, in fact, the average man will ejaculate 7,200 times in his life, or that the average amount of an average man's ejaculate over the course of his life is exactly 2/5 of what it needs to fill the average bathtub, I finally find the fact for which I was searching.

Average Speed of Ejaculation: 28 miles per hour

Average Speed of a City Bus: 25 miles per hour

So, it's quicker than a city bus, which has been known to kill pedestrians on occasion, but slower than a thrown clay pigeon.

As a result, I do not accept the terms of this etymology. It is ill-conceived and easily disproven. Thusly, I shall offer my own personal take on the origin of the term "skeet."






That's right, actor Skeet Ulrich.

Think about it: Skeet Ulrich came into mainstream popularity in 1996, when he starred as one of the villains in the Wes Craven/Kevin Williamson horror thriller "Scream." Lil' Jon didn't officially coin the term until well over five years later. Coincidence? Absolutely not.

Secondly, with the exception of "Scream" and his bit part in "As Good As It Gets" (1997), his performances usually elicit the same two emotions: pleasant, but a little shameful. (e.g. "Chill Factor," the television show "Miracles" or the recently canceled "Jericho.") Now what else is both pleasant AND a little shameful?

I rest my case.