Fruitless

It is a common online piece of advice: Arguing in an Internet talkback is like being in the Special Olympics--even if you win, you're still retarded.

I am currently in the midst of learning such a lesson after nearly seven years of frequenting the board at Ain't It Cool News (aintitcool.com) and have moved some of my pent-up ire onto the boards at the Internet Movie Database (imdb.com). It would take more than my 20 fingers and toes to recall which arguments I have mindlessly pursued on said boards, only to come up supremely retarded.

The biggest is probably my full-on widespread debate against a fellow known as GreatOne on the talkback to "Brokeback Mountain," with myself and several others going up against the kind of self-moralizing misguided grandeur that seems to inform every middle-age Christian about why they think homosexuality is the devil's work. Not only that, but he had the nerve to question the AMA's (American Medical Association) decision a few decades ago to take "homosexuality" off the list of mental disorders, GreatOne close-mindedly believing that this was solely as a result of left-wing politicizing and oppression, while failing to realize that if they indeed kept homosexuality on said list, he would be singing the praises of America's doctors. Not to mention that such ridiculous things as "female hysteria" have also been nixed from the list over the past 50 years. The truth is the AMA clearly has more facts backing up their claims than one global-warming denying conservative, and no matter what he can say about homosexuality being entirely nurture without nature (which is patently absurd), he'll just be going up against a brick wall.

The conversation was ridiculous, to say the least, but I did get a marvelous shot in, saying that in mere decades people such as GreatOne will be lumped in with those in the anti-black movement in the '50s and '60s, shamed by the progression and evolution of social thought. By denying homosexuals the rights guaranteed to every American, he became trash in the eyes of the talkbackers and the AICN administrators--he was soon banned from the site.

A recent imdb talkback, regarding an episode of FOX's "House" and the hubbub over a dying teenage girl cancer patient demanding a soft, tender kiss from one of the show's hunky doctors, led to an online personality who believed this was child pornography and must be dealt with by the FCC. The point was mildly valid, but the personality pushed it beyond the point of reason until the entire "House" talkback community called not only that his posts be deleted, but that he be banned forevermore from the imdb boards for trying to start such shit. This is an example of the horrible internet phenomenon known as "trolling."

As you can tell, some of these really meant something to me, but in the midst of it all, I was just winning at the Special Olympics. I used to justify it as my hatred for misinformation and mere education of such facts and principles, but it became completely worthless in my eyes over the last few days as I have literally argued with someone on the imdb boards for "So You Think You Can Dance" over the definition of the word "any." I won't bore you with the details, because unlike the aforementioned examples that have some educational and social merit, this deteriorated into name-calling and my at-home exasperation over such a conversation.

Recently, my sister Kate has been constantly using a word to describe certain things in my life--"fruitless." I think with both Kate and myself, we have a tendency to hear a word once used in perfect context, and then deem it worthy to use again and again. Perhaps this is leftover lesson material from St. Mary's High School English teachers such as Ms. Mahoney and Ms. Caraballo, where reasonably difficult vocabulary words were thrust into our consciousness through constant repetition and integration into daily life. This would explain my bout two years ago with the word "circuitous," which I promptly stopped when Kate brought to my attention that I had used the same word to describe the exact same part of the 101 Freeway in Los Angeles, or how I use the same example--the viciously clumsy rhythm of the song "Stellar"--to justify my almost unreasonable dislike of the band Incubus.

I briefly described my internet talkback battle on the "So You Think You Can Dance" boards to my sister, and she quickly asked me why in God's name I was even pursuing such a use of my time. The only answer I could muster up, "Because she's wrong," led to Kate's fourth usage of the word in two days: "fruitless."

And so, I will continue my decision to no longer fight on the AICN and imdb boards, as I have briefly flirted with, and either use my IQ to quell these fruitless debates--such as I did when some odd AICN talkbacker, on the board for a review of "V for Vendetta," said that by enjoying "Sin City" we must endorse the use of torture with POWs--or to ignore such things outright. It is, of course, my mission moving back to Berkeley to read more and spend less time in front of the TV or the computer.

So if you are on the boards for AICN or imdb and see a talkbacker by the names of Lenny Nero and MarcDom7, respectively, tell me to shut the fuck up. God knows it'll help.